Sorry it took so long (and of course I’m saying this to Dave who was the only person who expressed intrest in it 
Committed
As cliché as this sounds, this paper has been written since my first day of class, or at least some of it has. I remember my first day of class pretty well; it was less than three years ago. Sifu was discussing the five ways to become a great martial artist; something we hear often in the early class. I was listening intently when something happened. Sifu said “Practice EXACTLY what you want to perform.” Bells were ringing in my head so loud that I doubt I heard the rest of the talk. You see, I had been saying almost the exact same words to my volleyball team during practice for years. It was something that I believed in very deeply, for volleyball. Hearing it brought up about something other than volleyball or even sports in general, made me think that I had been very narrow in my thinking. The next day I went to class hoping to hear about the five ways again. As all students learn quickly enough, the five ways are a common theme. And every time, I got more excited. Something responded in me. Something that I hoped would be life changing.
I should back up a bit and discuss a personality flaw I’ve had all my life. I hate commitment. Back in college when I wanted a cell phone (which was not as common as they are today), I could not get myself to sign the required three year contract. “I don’t know what I’ll be doing next year let along three years from now.” Leasing my first car was the same way. I don’t like the concept of that long term commitment, because who knows when a better deal will come by.
Fast forward through a bunch of employers and various other life experiences and you get me sitting in my first Kung Fu class. At the time, I had just started a new job, which allowed me more free time. I was finally able to try to practice martial arts for real, instead of community Ed. Tai Chi. My life was going pretty well. I had a girlfriend that I loved, a good paying job, a nice condo (yes, I was nervous signing that mortgage too), and some of the greatest friends a man could have. Heather and I were talking marriage. You get the point though. How does a man who had a hard time signing a cell phone agreement sign up for marriage.
While talking about marriage and telling Heather she was the one for me were all well and good, eventually you have to say the words. And I was having trouble with that final step. Heather was very good about it, letting me take my time, but it was obvious she wanted to move into a new stage of life.
The change happened while sitting waiting for class, if you can believe that. While I know we should let go of everything when walking into the dojo, I think we all have days when things don’t go away. I had been troubled for days knowing I had to move forward in my life, but I was terrified. I love Heather, but I felt ill prepared to be a husband. I lacked commitment, and then, while sitting on the mats, a glimpse of an idea stuck me. What is commitment? How can you be committed to one woman for your life? Well obviously you have to be patient. Patience gets you through the tedious little trials of life and through the high hurdles. You have to preserver through those trials day in and day out, knowing that a majority of the time will be day to day, book ended by highs and lows. You have to work hard. Being a husband means doing things that you might not have done when you were alone. But similar to our practice, it’s a good thing. It gets you to grow and be strong. You have to practice every day exactly what you want to perform. You have to tweak that behavior similar to how you tweak your front punch. Perhaps you will fail every time by millimeters (or light years) to get that goal of perfection. Finally, you have to focus. Every day. Focus is what brings it all together. Something that I’m not very good at, and hopefully I will get better. But that focus is the key between living in an imaginary world and living a truly beautiful life.
I won’t say that I wouldn’t be married if it wasn’t for Kung Fu. Hopefully, I’m smart enough to realize when something great happens in your life, you need to grab it and hold it and treat it with the highest respect. I think I’m at least that smart, but I know that I’m a different person than three years ago. I’m not a great martial artist. I might not ever become a great martial artist. I’m not even sure I will become a good martial artist. I’m a good husband though. Ask my wife, she’ll tell you. What she didn’t know though is how much I feel the good qualities that she likes are cultivated by patience, perseverance, hard work, vigilance in thought and action to my goal, and meditation. She’s a great wife. I know she practices these qualities often (especially patience with my not-so-good husband qualities).
In the last two months, another change has happened in our lives. The birth of my son, Ryan Quinn. He’s a handful. I’m scared all the time. I think about what I’m going to do the next time he cries, especially at 3:00 in the morning. I think about how I’m going to explain that there are bad people in the world and he has to be careful and not talk to strangers. I try not to think about how I’m going to explain drugs and alcohol. The fear at times seems overwhelming. This is true commitment, taking responsibility of a new life in the world. The difference is, now when I can feel the fear creep up on my shoulder, or that icy pain in my stomach; I think to myself, I have the tools to do this right. I have the tools to be a good father and husband. I can handle the ultimate commitment.
When talking with a young man from the dojo about marriage, I gave him the little advice I have, being so new in the role as parent and husband. There are five ways to be a great husband. There are five ways to be a great father. And there are five ways to be a great martial artist. You have to do all five, every day.
